


Voices

by Nykeira



Category: GOT7, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Han Jisung | Han is sad, He wants to help, I love Kim Yugyeom, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jinyoung is a dick, M/M, Peer Pressure, Rape/Non-con Elements, Yugyeom is a good guy, Yugyeom wants to help Jisung, and a rapist - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-02 22:25:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16795933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nykeira/pseuds/Nykeira
Summary: “I promise, I’m gonna help you.”Yugyeom placed his hands on Jisung’s shoulders and the latter flinched back into the wall. The older retracted his arms instantly.They stayed quiet for a few short moments before Yugyeom spoke up again. “I’m gonna help you, Jisung.”Jisung didn't know if he could trust the older, so he ran away from his problems instead, literally. He pushed himself past Yugyeom and ran out of the bathroom.





	Voices

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to my first fic (and one-shot.) I hope you enjoy. this is pretty much me using jisung to vent. 
> 
> TW // for r*pe and suicidal thoughts. Please be careful. Dm me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kyupcy) Please don't be nervous or shy, i'm always open!

Jisung woke up that morning feeling lighter the usual. When he sat up, a wave of exhaustion hit him and he knew that it was going to be a bad day. He knew that he shouldn’t have stayed up so late last night, but sleep didn’t exactly accept him. So, he laid there for hours, just staring at the white wall beside his bed.

  
Waking up had already been hard enough, but waking up terribly exhausted? Jisung hated that. He hated how his body always felt tired and worn over, even when he got as much sleep as possible. Grant it, maybe he should eat something soon or his body will shut down, but scientists say that humans can go a full week without eating and a part of Jisung’s mind tells him to keep going. To starve off all the disgusting fat that lies along his body.

  
He hated that too. Hated the fat that took up so much of his body weight. Hated the fat that everyone called him ‘cute’ for. Jisung knew they were lying to make him feel better. Even if a small part of his mind told him that no one knew how he really felt so he didn’t have to worry, Jisung worried anyway.

  
It’s not like his anxiety would suddenly go away and he would stop worrying anyway.

  
So, instead, Jisung got up, fought through the fog of thick dizziness that wouldn’t die down in his head, and begun to get ready for school.

  
When he entered the bathroom, he didn’t dare look into the mirror. Didn’t dare see the ugly that he was. He knew he was disgusting, but he didn’t need a constant reminder of it. Even without looking in the direction of the mirror, he saw his reflection through his peripherals. He saw the ugly that he hated and wanted so badly to get rid of.

  
He shook his head as if trying to shake out the voices before they even began and stepped into the shower.

  
—

  
He slowly cracked his room door open, silently praying that his stepbrother’s door wouldn’t be open. 

  
Though God must have been against him, as he saw his stepbrother’s door cracked just enough that he could see the TV flashing brightly. Colors splashed brightly along the walls.

  
He sighed quietly as he attempted to creep past the door without his stepbrother noticing.

Jinyoung would probably be skipping his first few periods with his friends and that scared Jisung.

He just wanted to pretend to be like every other student at school today. He wanted to get there on time, not have to make up the work from his first few classes and make up excuses as to why he was late again.

He didn’t want to hurt anymore. Both physically and mentally. He didn’t want to be the victim anymore. But every time he had thoughts about fighting back, they would be pushed down as Jinyoung and his friends forced themselves onto him. The voices would convince that it was all his fault, and Jisung would believe them. He would believe that all of this would happen because of him. Maybe if he hadn’t been himself this wouldn’t happen. Maybe if he hadn’t been here this wouldn’t happen. Maybe if he left this wouldn’t happen. Maybe if he died this wouldn’t happen.

“Jisungie.” Jinyoung’s voice called.

Jisung froze instantly, his body going against his thoughts, which screamed at him to run. If he ran, though, Jinyoung would punish him, be harder on him, and Jisung didn’t want that.

Jisung didn’t want any of this, though. He wanted all of it to stop.

  
Jisung realized, once again, however, that what he wanted didn’t matter. Jinyoung’s words spun around his brain as the older took his wrists and pulled him into the room.

_‘Come on, Jisungie.’_

_‘Strip, Jisungie.’_

_‘You look so good like this, baby.’_

_‘You’re so tight around me.’_

Jinyoung’s grunts were imprinted into his brain. He tries not to cry as Jinyoung released inside of him.

He tried not to cry as Jinyoung pushed into the wall beside his bedroom door. Tried not to cry as Jinyoung sloppily kissed him. He didn’t kiss back. He couldn’t. He couldn’t move his body, so he stayed there, pliant, as Jinyoung used him for his own pleasure.

—

When he’d entered the school building, he was nearly three hours late. He felt so numb. He’d felt so used and in pain. Jinyoung never cared if he was in pain. No one ever cares if he’s in pain.

Jisung hoped that he could enter the classroom and get to his seat without getting called out. But, he never got what he’d hoped for.

“Mr. Han, you’re late. What’s your excuse this time?"

Jisung stared at the floor beneath his feet and as he sighed inwardly. He’d been warned that if he was late anymore, he would be suspended. He couldn’t be suspended. That meant he would have to spend more time locked up in his room. Hoping against hope that he could sneak out to his best friend Hyunjin’s house unnoticed.

“I didn’t wake up when my alarm went off.” That was a lie. He never needed an alarm. He nearly ever slept. He was afraid to. Afraid that Jinyoung, or even Jinyoung’s friend’s, would sneak into the room at night and take advantage of him while he was in one of his most vulnerable states. Besides that, it’s not like he ever got sleep when those people weren’t there.

When he did sleep, though, he only slept briefly before he woke up again.

The teacher, Mr. Kim, just sighed before nodding to the empty desk that Jisung always sat at. It was beside the window, in the second farthest row back.

Jisung looked up and saw his friend, Changbin, sitting in his usual desk, which was beside Jisung’s. He slowly traveled to his desk, walking as softly as he could, as to feel as little pain as possible.

That was short-lived, however, when he set down in his chair. Pain shot up Jisung’s spine and he squeezed his eyes shut, just barely keeping a pained cry from escaping his mouth. When he opened his eyes again, everyone else was focused on Mr. Kim as he continued to talk about what he had been focused on before Jisung interrupted.

No one seemed to notice that he was in pain.

No one ever seems to notice.

—

The next two periods went by as smoothly as Jisung expected them to be — being bullied in the hallways and in classes before the teacher came, called homophobic slurs, just barely missing an encounter with BamBam, one of Jinyoung’s friends, in the hallways, and even more. It was at lunch, though, that things didn’t go normally.

Jisung sat at his normal table with his few friends. Felix, Changbin’s not so subtly crush, who sat beside the latter, playing a game on his phone that he had told Jisung about just a few days prior. Chan, Felix’s cousin, on the opposite side of the table, sitting in front of his cousin. Jisung sat next to Chan. Hyunjin, Jisung’s closest friend, sat on the other side of Jisung.

Jisung had been picking at his school lunch, which could be summed up as slobby mush, trying to stop the voices from invading all of his thoughts when he felt a hand sit on his shoulder. He unconsciously flinched and his body instantly stilled.

“Hey, hey, calm down.” A familiar voice said. Jisung recognized the voice.

A face peeked into Jisung’s view. He untensed quickly as a brown-haired boy fully came into view.

It was Minho, Jisung’s other best friend. He was older than Jisung by a year, so he didn’t have the same lunch period at Jisung and his friends (Chan didn’t either, but he spent his free period with them at their lunch.) Minho must have finished his work early, as he usually did, and got out of class early. He was always top of all of his classes, so nearly all of his teachers loved him.

Minho asked Chan if he could move over, the Australian did so with a small knowing smile, which Jisung didn’t see because he was watching Minho. Minho sat next to Jisung, in Chan’s original seat.

He looked over at Jisung, who was looking back at him and gave him one of his iconic smiles. His eyes closed ever so slightly along with it.

Jisung felt his chest tighten, although it didn’t feel like the beginnings of a panic attack. It felt like his heart was screaming. He didn’t like that feeling. It felt unusual, weird even. He knew what it meant though and he despised the meaning. It made Minho vulnerable.

Before he could dwell on this feeling though, he heard his name being called.

“Jisungie.”

Jisung looked up from his tray and saw Felix looking at him expectingly. Jisung furrowed his eyebrows. “Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

Jisung’s eyebrows furrowed even deeper, if that even was possible. He hummed questioningly. “Hm?”

“You haven’t eaten anything at all.”

Jisung could see the worry in Felix’s eyes.

“You can’t possibly still be full from breakfast, it’s been hours since then.” By then, the rest of Jisung’s friends tuned into Felix’s words, all quietly listening.

_They’re concerned?_ Jisung asked himself.

_They’re not concerned, they don’t care about you. They’re only pretending to._

Jisung felt the panic rise in him as he allowed the voices to convince him.

_Why would anyone care about you anyway? You’re not even worth it._

_You’re not even worth their time. They just pretend to tolerate you to make you feel better._

He unknowingly tapped his foot quickly against the floor below the table. Hearing the noise, Hyunjin adverted his attention below the table and caught sight of the tell. It was one that showed often before Jisung had a panic attack. Hyunjin was about to call him out on it but was cut off when the bell rang, signaling the end of their lunch period.

Jisung instantly shot out of his seat, much to the dismay of Hyunjin and the boy watched as Jisung basically ran out of the cafeteria.

—

Jisung dropped to the floor the second he’d gotten the 4th-floor bathroom. He leaned his head against the space between two of the sinks as the panic took over. He thought he would die, as he hyperventilated. Tears brimmed in his eyes, his lungs burned. He coughed dryly, realizing that his mouth had gone dry too. No air got to his lungs and he thoroughly believed that this was how he would die, sitting in the floor of a school bathroom with no air getting to his lungs. The voice encouraged the thoughts, too.

_This is how you die._

_This is where you die._

He heard the door to the bathroom creak open.

No one ever used this bathroom though, nearly everyone believed dumb stories and rumors and went to another floor to use that bathroom.

So, who in their right mind would use this bathroom?

Jisung continued to hyperventilate, coughing up nothing, not even air. He wheezed as he tried to calm himself down. It didn’t work though, and dark spots began to appear in his vision.

As he felt himself began to slip, passing out, he saw a hand reach forward and slap him roughly across the face.

Jisung gasped in a lungful of air. Whoever it was had slapped him out of the panic attack. Jisung only got a few seconds to breathe and process these things before he was pulled up by his collar and pushed against the sink. The air was knocked out of his lungs again and he wheezed, not being given a chance to recover from his panic attack.

Jisung was afraid to look up at who it was. So, he stood there, frightened, staring at the chest of the person’s shirt.

The two stood there for what felt like hours to Jisung, although it was only a few moments. Unexpectedly, Jisung felt a hand grab his chin and lift his face up so that he came face to face with the other person.

It was Yugyeom, a person of Jinyoung’s friend group. For some reason that Jisung didn’t know, he was the only one who had never been there when the others… violated Jisung. He had never tried to. In some ways, Yugyeom was… neutral? (Jisung doesn’t know what word to use to describe it).

Yugyeom never touched Jisung in the ways that Jinyoung and his other friends did. He’d always left or excluded himself when his friends cornered Jisung.

Jisung never knew why, but he never had time to think of it as he was being forcibly stripped of his clothing.

Yugyeom brought his face closer to Jisung’s and the latter unconsciously squeezed his eyes shut. He had thought that for the rest of the school day, he could avoid their group, but, obviously, he thought, nothing ever worked out for him.

Instead, Yugyeom put his mouth to Jisung’s ear. “Jinyoung wants to me use you too.”

Jisung whimpered quietly in response.

“I’m not gonna do that,” he whispered so lowly that Jisung could barely him, even with being talked to directly into his ear. Jisung eyes opened in surprise. “He told me that the next he had the chance to, we would use you together.”

_Why is he telling me this?_ Jisung thought.

Yugyeom went quiet. Jisung assumed that he wanted a response. “W-why.” Jisung cut himself off. He hated how weak he sounded. He hated how weak he was. He swallowed back what little spit had built up in his mouth and continued. “Why are you doing this?” Even with his efforts to steady it, Jisung’s voice trembled, still.

Yugyeom was quiet for a long moment. He wanted to tell Jisung just how he felt, but he knew that if Jinyoung ever found how that he wanted to help Jisung, to save the boy from his friends, he would be in danger too. But, Yugyeom also knew that it would be terribly selfish for him to not tell Jisung about how he wanted to help and let the boy continue to be tortured by his friends, all for the benefit of his own. All-in-all, he couldn’t sit there and watch as this boy was sexually abused.

Yugyeom stood there, still, standing against Jisung, his wide shoulders blocking most of Jisung’s view. The older lips were no longer so close to Jisung’s ear, but he could still hear Yugyeom breathe. They stood there like this for what felt like forever.

They didn’t move until they heard talking outside of the bathroom door and then someone came in. They both simultaneously looked up. They could only see the person’s side profile, as the person was still talking to someone outside, but they could see that it was Jinyoung.

Jisung panicked, he didn’t know what to do. He panicked more when he felt Yugyeom’s lips smash against his own. He gasped instantly and squeezed his eyes closed.

He didn’t know what was coming, but he wanted to be in a good place when it happened. So, he imagined himself and Minho on vacation somewhere, a beach resort maybe? A cruise? He tried not to flinch as he heard Jinyoung’s laugh get closer to them.

_He must be enjoying this, watching his little stepbrother get violated._

It hurt Jisung so much that he temporarily forgot about what Yugyeom had said just a little while before. The youngest’s eyes brimmed with tears, even with being closed, as Yugyeom tongue licked at his own lips, trying to get them open.

Jisung allowed his mind to go back to his paradise with Minho when he heard the door open again. He assumed it was more of Jinyoung’s friends and he squeezed his eyes tighter.

“JISUNG?” The aforementioned’s eyes shot open at the voice. The three of them turned to the door. It wasn’t one of Jinyoung’s friends. It was Minho.

Yugyeom pulled away quickly, eyes widening before he forced himself to look calm as he turned to the door. All Jisung had processed was that Minho had seen Yugyeom kiss him.

Yugyeom swiftly whispered something into Jisung’s ear. The latter didn’t understand for a moment before he’d gotten it. Yugyeom had apologized. “I’m sorry.”

Jisung’s eyes widened.

Jinyoung, who was trying to block Minho’s view of what was inside of the bathroom sighed in frustration before pushing Minho, hard, into the lockers across the hallway. “This is none of your business.” He snapped.

Jisung couldn’t see, but Minho looked terrified when his back hit the locked him. Minho didn’t understand what was going on, but he did understand that Jisung had been kissing Yugyeom. He was sad but he wasn't concrete on the reason why.

“Jisung?” Minho asked, looking over Jinyoung’s shoulder towards the bathroom, the boy inside of which a deer in headlights. “Jisung, what’s going on?”

Jinyoung turned to Jisung and gave him one of the looks that he was terrified of. If he told Minho now, he knew that it would only lead to a bad outcome.

“This is Jisung’s boyfriend, Yugyeom,” Jinyoung said as if it was a well-known fact before Jisung could reply. Minho’s eyes widened before he blinked repeatedly as he looked at the floor.

“Oh,” He said just loud enough that Jisung could hear. “I’m sorry, I, ugh… didn’t know.” And that was all Minho said before he swiftly collected himself and speed-walked down the hallway.

Jisung mouthed opened involuntarily, in shock, and he covered his face with his hands. Not only to keep in his cries and whimpers but to also cover up his face. God, he was so ugly when he cried. Even uglier than usual.

He heard Jinyoung chuckle before he heard the bathroom door close again. He assumed that he was alone and let his sobs out. His body shook with the intensity of them.

He hated this too. Hated how he let himself go like this. He should be able to hold things like this in. But he can’t.

_I’m so pathetic. Why do I let things like this happen to me?_

_You should try harder and maybe you wouldn’t be so utterly pathetic._

_Maybe you wouldn’t be so useless._

_Maybe people would care._

Jisung sobbed harder when heat surrounded him. He was too caught up in his self-deprecating thoughts to even realize. He did realize, however, when a hand began to rub up and down his back.

He tried his hardest to quiet his sobs and slow down his breathing, however, it didn’t help. And he continues to sob so loudly that it echoed off the walls and if someone was in the halls, they would definitely hear it.

When Jisung was nearly fully calmed down, almost twenty minutes later, the person who was comforting him was hugging and whispering to him. But he wasn’t able to understand until after he had stopped sobbing.

“I promise, I’m gonna help you.”

Jisung realized that was what the person was saying and pulled back from the hold that the person had on his, his back hitting the wall behind him softly and he allowed himself to take in who had comforted him.

It was Yugyeom.

Yugyeom placed one of his hands on Jisung’s shoulders and the latter flinched back further into the wall. The older retracted his arms instantly and put one into his pocket instead. The other gripped onto the sink beside him to help him keep his balance as he leaned onto it.

They stayed quiet for a few short moments before Yugyeom spoke up. “I’m gonna help you, Jisung.”

Jisung’s eyebrows furrowed slightly. He definitely wasn’t sure if he could trust Yugyeom. The older was one of Jinyoung’s friends. Grant it, he had never violated Jisung more than that kiss, but he also never tried to stop the other’s when they did more.

_Don’t trust him. He’ll only hurt you more._

_You can figure this out on your own._

_You’ve already got a solution._

Jisung blinked up at Yugyeom and stood there a moment, before he pushed past the older, their shoulders just barely touching, and walked out of the bathroom.

_Yes, I can solve this on my own._

_I’ve got my own solution._


End file.
